Death
For man also does not know his time:
Like fish taken in a cruel net,
Like birds caught in a snare,
So the sons of men are snared in an evil time,
When it falls suddenly upon them
Ecclesiastes 9:12
My Dear Son,
I write this
to you on the eve of your Grandpa’s death.
I feel compelled to explain some of what you are feeling or will feel whenever
someone close to you dies as I experience it myself now. Let me be clear on two points at least. Number One, Death is a horrible and unnatural
thing that should cause every part of you to recoil in grief and horror. Number Two, through Jesus Christ, our risen
Lord, we have victory over death and need not fear its terrors but rather look
on it as a doorway into our promised rest with our God.
First then let us consider death
itself. As the writer of Ecclesiastes
makes clear, we do not know our time, only that a time has been appointed when we
will die. This fact alone is no comfort
to us, but you will find many will seek to cope with the reality of death by
resting in its inevitability. “We’re all
dying from the day we’re born,” say some, and “Man knows not his time,” say
others. Certainly these statements and
more like them are accurate, but they offer no comfort for those facing their
own death or the death of a loved one.
Solomon himself is very matter of fact in his assessment of death’s
timing:
“To
everything there is a season,
A
time for every purpose under heaven:
A
time to be born,
And
a time to die…” Ecclesiastes 3:1,2
There is no
comfort in this reality and he provides no comfort in the fact that death comes
to all. Indeed, he calls it a vanity and
evil that good men and evil men alike will face death in the most unexpected
time and place.
I can hear you ask, “Why am I so
sad and angry and frustrated at grandpa dying?”
Part of the reason is because this is all very sudden and it is hard to
realize that soon we will not have Grandpa around anymore and it is hard to
imagine life without him. Another part
is that it hurts you to see grandpa in pain and suffering while he is dying. However, I believe the biggest reason for
this mix of emotions is that deep down all of us hate death and all that it
represents. Do you remember when death
came into this world? It was a
punishment for Adam’s sin in the garden.
Before Adam sinned there was no death, there was only ongoing, never
ending life in perfect communion with God.
God told Adam that if he rebelled against Him and ate of the tree of the
knowledge of good and evil that he would surely die. You see then that Death is rooted in our
rebellion against God. Death is only
part of this world because of Adam’s sin and our rebellion against God. It ought never to have been a part of our
lives at all.
So when you say to yourself when
you think of Grandpa, “This isn’t right, something is wrong here,” it is just
fine to feel that way. Something about
this isn’t right, something is terribly wrong.
Death is the wages of sin. It
part of God’s punishment for sin. So
every part of us should recoil from the horrible pain and separation that comes
at times like this. There is a reason we
should grieve and mourn and cry until our eyes are red and our noses run. Ever since the Garden of Eden when we thought
we knew better than God how we should live we have been paying the price of sin
as each and every one of us passes through the veil of death into the presence
of God and it is a horrible journey to carry out.
Many people in the World do not
understand death and they also seek to minimize its significance. They think of us like watches that all have
different size batteries and none of us know how long our battery will last,
but when it wears out we will simply recycle the watch and make another
one. That is how they look at us as
humans, we are just part of the natural cycle of life and death and just as we
came from nature we are not going back to nature. In this way they try to escape what death
really means as a punishment for sin.
They say there is no God, or if there is He is so weak that he doesn’t
really control us or how we should live.
For people like this, death is just a natural process that is okay and
it is necessary for us to return to nature in order to keep the cycle going. I tell you again, death is only natural in a
world twisted by sin. Death is not just
a chemical reaction, death is a moral statement that God makes for all of us to
see, and we cannot escape that no matter how hard we try.
So why do I go on so much about
how terrible death is? I want you to
know that all the emotions of grief and pain are okay to feel. Don’t think you shouldn’t feel this way. If you feel angry, talk about it—to me, to Mommy,
to God; for we are all ready to hear and share with you what we are feeling
too. Did you know that God hates death
as well? Remember that Jesus wept when
his friend Lazarus died (John 11:35), and God himself speaks through Ezekiel
and says, “I have no pleasure in the
death of one who dies.” (Ezekiel 18:32)
In the Ezekiel passage God is speaking of spiritual and physical death,
which is a double grief to him, but I will come back to that later.
Now you might say, “If God hates death so much, why doesn’t he take it
away?” That is a very good question and
a hard one to answer because we aren’t God Himself and cannot see all the
reasons He has, but He has shown us some of them. First, as we have already seen, death is a
necessary part of a world of sin. Death
is a punishment for sin, just like briars and thorns and pain and suffering of
all types. This punishment is not God’s
fault, it is our fault as rebellious sinners.
God is just giving us what we deserve.
Second, God is perfectly righteous and holy and so while He can do
anything that He chooses to do, He can only choose to do things that are
righteous and holy. Righteousness
requires the curse that has covered the world since Adam sinned, and so God
must execute His righteousness on the world.
God could execute his perfect holiness and righteousness even more
thoroughly by simply killing all of us with no mercy, and that would be
perfectly okay. So the real question
isn’t, “Why doesn’t God take away death?”
The real question is, “Why doesn’t God kill us all?”
Now I hope you can see exactly how terrible a thing death is, for only
once you have grasped how bad death is can you really appreciate how glorious
our hope in Jesus Christ must be. By the
time you are my age you will have heard Paul’s paraphrase of Hosea in I
Corinthians so many times that it may not mean very much, but I want you to
hear it again as you think of Grandpa:
“ ‘O Death, where is your sting?
O
Hades, where is your victory?”
And Paul himself
continues,
“The
sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the Law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the
victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” I Corinthians 15:55-57
You see my
Son, sin is the sting of death and apart from Christ Jesus death is victorious
over us. Paul says the strength of sin
is the Law because God’s Law shows that we all deserve to die because of our
sin. So when we see death it should
remind us that we all deserve to die, not just physically but spiritually. Only when we have this reality before our
face can we see the truly marvelous escape that God has provided for us in
Christ Jesus. In fact, God has not just provided a way of escape, He has
provided us a way of victory over sin and all its evil effects including death. Earlier in the chapter Paul describes death
as the “Last Enemy.” When Adam sinned he
brought condemnation on all of us and we deserve that condemnation as we add
our own sins to Adam’s, but even as Adam, a man, brought this judgment on all
of us, so Jesus, also a man, brought deliverance from this judgment through his
sacrifice on the cross and his resurrection, from the dead. And so as He
has gone before us in His resurrection and destroyed the punishment of death,
so we may follow him and rejoice in our deliverance from death.
As we face death we may have
confidence in the Lord’s care for us and His provision in Christ for our
deliverance. Our calling in death is no
different than any other time in our life, we must obey the Lord and trust in
Him. Death can be the greatest challenge
to our faith and we ought not presume to know what it feels like to face
it. As humans we love to be in control
and death is the greatest loss of control we will ever experience. When we face death we see better than ever
the truth that has dominated our whole lives…God is in control and we must
trust Him to care for us…for in death we find the greatest loss of control
ever. Our minds and our bodies will slowly
fall apart until we are left bare before the Lord and the world. If we are not trusting wholly and completely
in His care for us, this process will be more painful than you can
imagine. But in Christ we have all the
hope that we need for He makes it clear that this stripping away of our control
is just the process of entering into His glorious presence for all of
time. We need not be in control when we
are in the arms of such a gracious and loving Savior.
Some of the most encouraging
words we can hear on this subject come from the Apostle Paul in Roman’s. In the process of explaining the gospel Paul
shows us the freedom we have from the Law when we believe in Jesus. When we are under the Law we are under God’s
wrath and as I have said, that is when we have much to fear in death as the
final step of God’s judgment on us in this life and only the beginning of
eternal judgment. Listen as Paul encourages
us through the gosepel:
“And
if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life
because of righteousness. But if the
Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised
Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His
Spirit who dwells in you. (Rom. 8:10-11)
What a hope
we have in our God in Heaven, or as Paul says, “Him who raised Jesus from the dead.” Our body is dead because of sin, but because
of the Spirit dwelling within us we have life and that life is
everlasting. The Spirit indwelling us is
our guarantee of eternal life and He will give new life to these broken and
fading bodies. What peace, what comfort
is this! Christ, the first fruit of the
New Covenant, has paved the way for our restoration and glorification through
the work of His Spirit giving life to our death. Think of that for just a moment. Do you remember what a dead body looks
like? It is cold and hollow, and if you
leave it for any time at all it will stink and rot. Do you have that picture in your mind? Now imagine that same body so cold and empty
suddenly sitting up and leaping to its feet!
Those white cheeks and gray eyes are now a bright pink and blue! This is the hope we have to look forward
to. Grandpa’s body is fading and weak
now, but in Christ it will not stay that way.
Someday when Jesus returns it will burst out of the grave and be united
with his spirit in the new earth!
And what a glories hope we have
in that new earth. Paul goes on for the
rest of the chapter to open up that hope we have. For one thing the Creation will be delivered
from its bondage when the sons of God are revealed. Right now the Creation is groaning and
laboring waiting for its redemption.
Look around you as you see the terrible storms and disease and fighting
throughout the natural world. Can you
see this pain that is so great? In the
same way we are groaning as our bodies get older and feel pain and our work is
harder every day and we see more and more misery and evil in the world. We cannot wait for the redemption of our
bodies (vs. 22,23). Paul says that all
this will be washed away. After Jesus
comes back we will have a new earth free of storms and disease and fighting on
which to live We will also have new and glorious bodies free of pain and decay.
While we are on this earth we will still struggle and we often won’t know
how we should feel in the face of these hard times. Even Grandpa and Grandma probably don’t know
exactly how they should feel and even how they should pray. Here is Paul’s
comfort to us as we face these trials:
”Likewise
the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray
for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings
which cannot be uttered.” (vs 26).
Oh what a
comfort it is to us in our weakness to know that the Spirit intercedes for
us! This is just a foretaste of the age
to come, for when we are with him then we will be perfected and will stand with
the people of God with one voice and one heart and one mind and praise His name
without weakness without groaning without uncertainty. Here Paul speaks to one of our greatest
frustrations…we-don’t-know. We don’t know! God sees us in our ignorance and stoops low
and by the power of His indwelling Spirit He, as it were, cups his ear with his
hand in order to hear our stumbling, fumbling words so confused and conflicted. Like a Father stooping low to hear his
toddler son, so our God has made provision to not only hear our requests but to
make them understood! And so I say this
is a foretaste of Eternity because then this picture will be complete and He will
raise and lift us up, glorified and we will sit with Him and worship without
ignorance and without confusion! God
will walk us through any trial, even death itself and then bring us into full
and total fellowship with Him on the other side.
So we come to the greatest of
joys and delights we have to anticipate, our Lord Himself! Paul continues by explaining that if we love
God all things work for our good because our God is not a powerless God. Our God is the one true God who has
predestined all that will come to pass and He will bring about all His purposes
for us and for the entire world. We will
be “…Conformed to the image of His Son…” by our God who has the power to do
it! As He has called His children to
follow in the steps of His Son, so he also has the power to accomplish the same
(vs. 28, 29). He not only promises to
bring us into the new Heavens and the New Earth when we trust in Him, but He
has the power to bring us there! There
is nothing more powerful than God and when He determines to accomplish
something, He will not fail. Nothing,
not even death can wrest us from His loving hands. Even our sin and rebellion could not keep us
from Him for He was willing to send even His own Son to die for us—and
why? Because He loves us! Notice the emphasis: He loves US! Greatest of joys and pleasures forevermore--our
God loves us beyond any love we could ever imagine and has called us to meet
with Him and gather in His house and fellowship around His table. He has accomplished it, He has cleared the
path to His door and guided us to it.
Now we have but to cross the threshold and enter into His glorious rest
filled with joys and pleasures forever and ever and evermore. Keep this before your face and Grandpa’s and
anyone who is facing the reality of death.
Do not be afraid! Christ is calling
to you. Come home! Come home!
Your Father in Heaven calls you to step through the veil of time into
eternity and sit and sup and rejoice at His royal feast forever.
Here are
some practical guidelines for things you can do to minister to Grandpa and
Grandma in their time of grief:
1. Pray. During this time of extreme pain the Holy
Spirit is the greatest comfort for Grandma and
Grandpa. Pray first and foremost
that God’s will would be done and that he would receive glory no matter what happens. Pray second for healing and strength for Grandpa
as we know that the Lord can heal if He chooses. Pray third for comfort and contentment for
Grandpa and Grandma. Our model in this
type of prayer is our own Lord Jesus as he prayed in the Garden of
Gethsemane. You remember that as He
prayed He asked God the Father to spare him from the cross, but He submitted
Himself to God’s will that He would be content with whatever the Lord would
bring about (Matt. 26:39). So it is not
wrong to ask for God to take away our trials and spare us from them (the
psalmist does this on many different occasions), but even as we ask we must be
content with where God has placed us and Grandma and Grandpa.
2.
Listen
and weep. Don’t be too quick to
offer your advice or even your words of encouragement. Someone who is grieving needs space to talk
through their issues without hearing your attempts to make them feel
better. It is best to help them work
through their thoughts by asking them what they are feeling or thinking and
letting them share. Enter into what they
are feeling and open yourself up to crying with them. Don’t feel the need to keep it all under
control, feel free to open yourself up to their pain and share in it yourself. This is how we show our love for one
another. We are all part of the same
body and just like when part of your body hurts your whole body feels it, so it
is when someone who is part of our Church body hurts we should feel it
too. And so we should “Weep with those
who weep.” (Romans 12:15b)
3.
Point
them to God. When you do have
opportunity to speak be careful what you say and start first by pointing them
to the promises of God. Think of Psalm
30, and especially vs. 5b, “Weeping may
endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning.” This psalm offers encouragement for someone
who is wrestling with God, as in vs. 9, “What
profit is there in my blood, When I go down to the pit? Will the dust praise
You? Will it declare Your truth?”
See how the Psalmist is challenging God in a humble way? He asks questions like: “How can
the dirt praise you God?” In other
words, preserve my life so I can still praise you! Now of course throughout this Psalm his
emphasis is on God’s goodness and His provision. Look also at Psalm 147 and especially vs.
1-4:
“Praise
the Lord! For it is good to sing praises to our God;
For
it is pleasant, and praise is beautiful.
The
Lord builds up Jerusalem;
He
gathers together the outcasts of Israel.
He
heals the brokenhearted
And
binds up their wounds.
He
counts the number of the stars;
He
calls them all by name.”
You see that even in the midst of his
pain the Psalmist is praising God, because the same Lord who calls the stars by
name will also bind up the wounds of the brokenhearted. The Creator of the universe cares about the
smallest hurt and the deepest pain of each of His children. Point them to this truth and continue to
point them to Him and His purposes. We
don’t always know why God does things as He does them, but we always know that
His purposes are perfect and He loves and cares for us. Job didn’t ever get an explanation for why
God allowed Satan to persecute Him, and yet Job was faithful to trust and
depend on God no matter what. So we
should always be ready to encourage those who suffer to look to God and
remember His loving care and never, never, never lose heart, but always trust
in Him and His promised love for us.
My son, I
hope that these words will offer you encouragement during this time and the
many times in the future when someone you love will pass away. I hope you will even remind me of these words
when it is my time to die, and that you will read them back to me and encourage
me with them.
With much
love,
Dad
